SILVER MEDAL!

so on Friday i went to DECA Regionals at Bingeman's and i did really well! i placed top ten oral, top ten proposal top ten over all, and silver out of everyone. you know what sucks though, the guy who won gold only beat me by.3%. .3! that's brutal.

so anyways i'm at DECA in the middle of my proposal and my judge stops me in my tracks and says..."do you have a lot of experience in thisfield? you know more than i do in some of these area's" so i told him that i had 61/2years experience. So he asked me for a business card and he's gonna come see me at work. so i finished my proposal. And when i was done he gave me his card and told me to come see him at work. He's the chef at 20 King!!!!! How sweet is that?! I'm so pumped! WOW!

so now i'm off to Provincials in February with Ryan (my boss) . He's going to be a judge at provincials. And it makes me feel a bit better that he's going to be there with me.

well, i'm off now to go eat.
--crys--

how long will this last? How long will i have her in my every thought? I can't shake this feeling i don't know how to deal with it. I just wish there was something i could do. I try to distract myself... keep myself so busy that i won't have time to think about it. That i won't have time to think about her... but it doesn't work. i still think of her. Everywhere i look everything i see reminds me of her. Kyla is everywhere. I try to not talk about it thinking that then i will stay more calm. but everywhere i go someone brings it up.

You know, i've never believed in God. I've never believed in anything like that really but now i'm not so sure. here's the story. James was in Calgary for work when he got a phone call from me completely hysterical, i don't even know if i told him what happened, i think i just cried and couldn't talk. I don't really remember. All of last week is a big blur. Anyways he told me he was coming home. He said that he would make it home for the funeral that he would be there to stand by me and help me through it. Friday night (The night before the funeral) my phone rang at shortly after 2 am. It was james. He was stuck up north in the snow he wasn't going to make it home in time! I was heartbroken. I couldn't do this alone. So i'm sitting there not sure what to do but i go this feeling. I could feel Kyla with me. I asked her if she could hear me to please help james to make it home to me. about half an hour later James called he said an old man came and gave him his chains so that James could get home. Is it just a coincidence? I don't know what to believe. i know that Kyla was with me that night, and i feel her around me all the time. I don't know what's going to happen i don't know how long i'm going to be a complete wreck. I still can't sleep more than a few hours. most of the time i don't sleep at all. Everytime i see my uniform or a soccer ball, or a koala bear, or anything at all that reminds me of kyla it hits me all over again. I don't know if it'll ever go away. One thing i do know is that Kyla's here... She's around us. I know she'll help us through this.

Yesterday i went to the Royal Winter Fair in Toronto. It was fun! We saw some of the cutest sheep ever! James said if a sheep would make me smile that he would buy me a lamb to keep on the farm. I think i might take him up on that offer. a lamb would be cute but then i think he wants to eat it when it grows up! That's so Evil! I don't want to eat my pet!

The fair was fun, but my entire family called me a redneck because i love that kind of stuff. Rodeo's , plowing matches, pickups and tractors. That's what i love to do. I think that's the reason that james and i get along so well. He rides bull, and he's a member of the CCA, for those of you who don't know what that is the CCA is the Canadian Cowboy Association. Riding bull would be so fun! i want to do it so much! James and Hutchi said that if i still want to do it next year they'll sign me into the circuit if i can qualify with good times. I can't wait! it's going to be so fun! can you imagine the adrenaline rush?! it'd be so sweet!

I thought it was so funny when we were in toronto. James and i walk in both wearing cowboy boots, and jeans with belt buckles. He was wearing a cowboy hat too, but there were so many people with high heels and probably never have seen a cow before. You could totally see a huge divider of those who were there for the shows and auctions, and those that were there to see the animals as if it were a zoo. We spent so much time telling people the difference in breeds of horses and cows. We were watching the horses in the one ring and a lady infront of us was so confused between english and western saddles. Another funny person asked how to tell the difference in dairy cattle vs beef cattle. We couldn't help but to laugh!

Yesterday was Kyla's funeral. I think it ws the hardest thing i've ever been through. Yet it was perfect. It was exactly what Kyla would've wanted. A few years ago during one of our many seasons of soccer together a team mate of ours was diagnosed with brain cancer. It hit us all hard and when Patti was taken from us on the 13th of this past March we had a talk about what she would've wanted. This led to a discussion of... should this ever happen to one of us what would we want? Kyla wanted everyone to be included or at least the opportunity to be included if they wished to be. That was met by the open mic yesterday when anyone could tell their stories. And she said that she wanted people to be sad that she was gone but yet be happy for knowing her. To remember the good times. And what she wanted more than anything was to make sure that her Mom and Dad and Carly and Reese were taken care of and looked out for. To make sure that they were loved and that they would be ok. Well Ky, your family has so much support right now. Everyone is looking out for them. You don't have to worry about that.

I think that knowing that all of her wishes were met has made it a bit easier to cope with losing her. Mrs K wants everyone to know how much your support has meant to her, and that she was overwhelmed by how much everyone cares.

Rest In Peace Kyla Kowalik. Your memory will never be forgotten

By now you all know what happened to Kyla. I think that this has been the hardest few days of my life. It hit me hard when i found out Monday night... i stayed up all night crying but until i came to school Tuesday morning i had no idea how hard i would take it.

Kyla was a part of my life since i can remember. She was co captain with me on the soccer field, my favourite person to officiate with, and one of my best friends. Even now 3 days later i haven't stopped crying. i can't sleep i can't eat, i can't seem to do anything but cry. Probably none of you have ever seen me cry because it's something i don't do, but anyone who was near me on Tuesday saw an entirely different side of me. I was falling apart. I couldn't stop shaking, i couldn't talk, move, anything. i scared the crap out of Mrs Monteith and to tell you the truth i'm still scaring the crap out of myself. I've always been the strong one who helps everyone else in these situations, but now when i need someone to hold me together there's no one in sight.

I don't know how i'm going to do it. I don't know if i can step out on the soccer field with my team knowing that Kyla isn't right behind me. This past year Kyla and i battled the same knee injury. When it came time for soccer we both had to choose whether to play or not. i chose to play and Kyla sat the season out but was always on the sidelines cheering us on. One game in particular stands out for me. I wasa on the field and got slide tackled from behind by a defender on the other team. I went down and i went down hard. My knee crumbled underneath me i was in trouble. As soon as the whistle blew Kyla came running across the field crying and trying to make me step out of the game. i wouldn't do it. I got up and kyla wouldn't let go of my shirt. She wanted me off that field. Reluctantly a teary eyed and very worried friend stood at the bench and watched me hobble around the field. Everytime a whistle would blow she would ask me to please take a knee... Please step out even for a few minutes of the game. I don't exactly remember what happened next. I remember charging the net and from what i understand got caught up in a cambridge girls vs Crystal sandwich. I opened my eyes to kyla helping carry me of the field. She wanted to come to the hospital she wanted to be by my side every second. It could've been her in my shoes. She was always the mommy of our team making sure everyone stretched properly and drank lots. That's just the amazing person she was.

I don't know how i'm going to do it... i don't know much of anything right now.

my keyboard is soaked of tears and i'm shaking so bad that i can hardly type. i guess i just want to say that you should always tell people how much they mean to you because you never know when you may never see them again. The last time i saw Kyla was the day before her surgery. She came to me almost in tears and said that she was so scared and no one would understand but me ( we're in the same boat). I gave her a hug, told her that everything would be fine. told her to call me if she needed anything, and that the minute she was out of bed she should start kicking a soccer ball around becaused i needed her on that field in a few months.
I gave her one last hug and said "ky, im' here with you forever. I'll be here if you need anything at all, don't hesitate to call me. i love you ky, good luck!"

I can't believe that i'll never hear her voice again. Never again will i recieve that perfect long ball and send it deep into the net, never again will i see my Ky.

I love you Ky