how long will this last? How long will i have her in my every thought? I can't shake this feeling i don't know how to deal with it. I just wish there was something i could do. I try to distract myself... keep myself so busy that i won't have time to think about it. That i won't have time to think about her... but it doesn't work. i still think of her. Everywhere i look everything i see reminds me of her. Kyla is everywhere. I try to not talk about it thinking that then i will stay more calm. but everywhere i go someone brings it up.

You know, i've never believed in God. I've never believed in anything like that really but now i'm not so sure. here's the story. James was in Calgary for work when he got a phone call from me completely hysterical, i don't even know if i told him what happened, i think i just cried and couldn't talk. I don't really remember. All of last week is a big blur. Anyways he told me he was coming home. He said that he would make it home for the funeral that he would be there to stand by me and help me through it. Friday night (The night before the funeral) my phone rang at shortly after 2 am. It was james. He was stuck up north in the snow he wasn't going to make it home in time! I was heartbroken. I couldn't do this alone. So i'm sitting there not sure what to do but i go this feeling. I could feel Kyla with me. I asked her if she could hear me to please help james to make it home to me. about half an hour later James called he said an old man came and gave him his chains so that James could get home. Is it just a coincidence? I don't know what to believe. i know that Kyla was with me that night, and i feel her around me all the time. I don't know what's going to happen i don't know how long i'm going to be a complete wreck. I still can't sleep more than a few hours. most of the time i don't sleep at all. Everytime i see my uniform or a soccer ball, or a koala bear, or anything at all that reminds me of kyla it hits me all over again. I don't know if it'll ever go away. One thing i do know is that Kyla's here... She's around us. I know she'll help us through this.