Is there something wrong with me?
I don't cry! I don't cry ever!
the past few months have been hell! i cry every day and i can't help it! I miss Kyla so much! I don't know how to deal with it i don't know what to do. I saw mrs K today. She came to see me at work. She gave me the biggest longest hug ever and i didn't want her to ever let go. i've missed her so much! She looked me in the eye and said that she loves me and that she'll always be with me. We're going to go out together for a day together just like old times on Friday. i am really excited but i'm also so scared! I want so much to be strong to just be able to come to terms with the fact that Ky's gone but i can't do it!I still sometimes swear that i hear her voice or i see someone that looks like her and for just that second it seems alright again until reality comes back and knocks me on my ass for the hundredth time that day. It's just over 2 months since Kyla died and the world just seems to have forgotten. Every one carries on like they don't even realize that she's gone. How. How can you do that? I never want to forget i will always think about kyla every day of my life but i don't want to be in this much pain every day for ever. How do i do it? How do i accept that i've lost my best friend, my team mate, my sister, my shoulder that i cried on, the only person that knows my entire life story has been there through it all, and loved me every day no matter what, and wasn't afraid to tell me so.
i don't know what to do... i don't know where to turn.
i 'm falling apart and the one person i need more than anything in the world is the reason i'm going through this.
Don't ever forget.... don't ever think it can't happen to you or someone close to you. It happens all too fast, and only the memories you have will get you through. The last words i said to kyla are what've got me this far. The last thing i said to her was "I love you "
posted by CrystalDammeier @ 5:22 PM
3 Comments:
Crystal,
In time your life will reach a 'new normal'-how long a time is unknown. I think about Kyla every day, I think about Cec and how she lives each day with such a loss, I believe she has not been forgotten. Speaking of time, I always have the words of the poets in a time like this:
Ticking away the moments that make up a dull day,
You fritter and waste the hours in an offhand way,
Kicking around on a piece of ground in your home town,
Waiting for someone or something to show you the way,
And then one day you find,
Ten years have got behind you,
No one told you when to run,
You missed the starting gun...
- Pink Floyd
Don't miss the starting gun...
I don't know what to say to you because I feel so close to how your feeling. It's been so hard and I haven't found any words of consolation or comfort that have worked or stopped the pain, probly because there are no words that can make this better or bring her back. Every day is hard and every day I have to convince myself she's actually gone. I can't count the number of times that I too have thought i've seen her or heard her but realize how that is physically impossible..i thought after a while the tears would stop but they just seem to keep on flowing out..all i can say is hang in there..and take the advice that someone gave me (cough cough..YOU!)
"I don't ahve anywords other than i know. I understan. And we'll make it through. We've got to, kyla would want us to... We'll make it through for her"
..that's what we have to do
Hey Crystal. I don't think people have forgotten. I wasn't as close to Kyla as you were but I know that I still think about her a lot. It's hard to just let things like this go and I don't think it can be done alone. I hope that you can continue to remember the good times you had with her (no matter how short they were). And don't forget, people haven't forgotten.
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